Why Is It So Hard to Talk About? | Dr. Tara | Episode 7
Why is it easier to fake an orgasm than ask for what you actually want in bed?
For most people, the answer isn’t about desire. It’s about fear, shame, and never being taught how to have these conversations in the first place. And that silence is quietly shaping the quality of our relationships.
What This Episode Explores
“Talking about sex might not feel sexy in the moment, but it’s an investment in a much sexier relationship.” - Dr. Tara Suwinyatichaiporn
Sexual communication is one of the strongest predictors of relationship satisfaction, yet it’s rarely taught in any meaningful way. Instead, most people learn about sex through media, culture, or trial and error, leaving a massive gap between what we want and what we’re able to express.
This conversation breaks down why talking about sex feels so uncomfortable, what’s actually happening beneath that discomfort, and how to start communicating in a way that builds connection instead of conflict.
Guest Introduction
“You don’t need to fix everything. Just improve your sex life by one point at a time.” - Dr. Tara Suwinyatichaiporn
Our guest today is Dr. Tara Suwinyatichaiporn, a professor of sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton, and author of How Do You Like It?. Known for translating research into real-world tools, her work focuses on helping people build confidence, clarity, and connection in their intimate lives.
Her perspective is essential for anyone navigating modern relationships where communication, not chemistry, is often the missing piece.
3 Key Takeaways
Most people were never taught how to talk about sex, and it directly impacts intimacy and long-term relationship satisfaction
Sexual communication is not just about technique. It reflects emotional safety, trust, and relational dynamics
Small, structured conversations like monthly “sexy check-ins” can dramatically improve connection and satisfaction
Who This Episode Is For
Anyone who feels awkward or unsure talking about sex with a partner
Couples who describe their sex life as “fine” but want more depth or connection
High-performing individuals who feel confident in life but not in the bedroom
Therapists, coaches, and professionals working in relationships or sexual health professions
In This Episode, We Cover:
Why do people fake orgasms instead of communicating their needs?
How do culture and upbringing impact sexual communication?
What is the difference between sexual confidence and sexual self-esteem?
How can couples talk about sex without triggering defensiveness?
What are “sexy check-ins” and how do they improve intimacy?
Why is sex never just about sex in long-term relationships?
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Quick Answers about sexual communication
Why is sexual communication so difficult for most people?
Because it’s rarely modeled or taught. Cultural taboos, fear of hurting a partner, and lack of language all make it harder to express needs openly.
What’s the fastest way to improve sexual communication?
Start with a simple monthly check-in. Ask your partner to rate your sex life from 1 to 10 and discuss how to improve it by just one point.
Expanded Insight
“Sex is never just about sex. It’s about emotional safety, respect, and communication.” - Dr. Tara Suwinyatichaiporn
One of the most powerful ideas in this conversation is that sex is never just about sex. It reflects everything happening in a relationship: emotional safety, respect, communication patterns, and even daily interactions.
When someone says their sex life is “fine,” it often means it’s functioning at a maintenance level. It’s enough to sustain the relationship, but not enough to create excitement, fulfillment, or deeper connection.
This is where sexual communication becomes transformational. Not because it leads to more sex, but because it creates space for honesty, curiosity, and growth. And that shift impacts far more than the bedroom.
Another key insight is the distinction between sexual self-esteem and sexual confidence. You can be highly successful, confident, and self-assured in your career, yet still feel uncertain or disconnected in your sexual identity. These are separate domains, and both require intentional development.
Listen to the Episode
Listen and subscribe to The Sexology Lab on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.
Resources and Links
Learn more about Dr. Tara: https://www.luvbites.co/
Purchase Dr. Tara’s Book, How Do You Like It? https://www.luvbites.co/book
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Become a Certified Sexual Health Professional: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/
About The Sexology Lab
The Sexology Lab explores the science, psychology, and culture of human sexuality. Through expert conversations, we challenge outdated narratives and provide research-driven insights into relationships, behavior, and sexual health.
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